being sick....

sucks. i haven't been this sick in practically a year! WATCH OUT, it's going around~!

pho is the greatest comfort food/hangover cure/most addicting thing next to crack ever. there's been plenty of weeks where i've had 3+ meals be a rare steak and tripe beef noodle soup.

that aside... i've officially got one week left in town~ that is provided that my car comes out in time from the body shop~ before I hit so*cal. and random note, I'm not that stressed out about housing anymore because I was flipping through Craig's list, and I saw TONS of postings by future actors and actresses from sweden that are advertising rooms for $500 or less... okokok, probably half or most of them are people I wouldn't want to room with but... HOPEFUL nonetheless!!!

it's been over a year since I've come home (a little over a month longer than a year)... a bunch of people have beaten me to it even, moving from Boston to LA (freaking overachievers!!!)... but it was worth it, living at home, coming back into my skin for at least this short period of time... I think I gained a lot more than whatever I was expecting from being here... probably more that I will realize as soon as I leave...

Some of the more memorable moments I've gone through this past year:

*Logos Church: i joined the dreaded adult korean choir... i had to sit through sermons ENTIRELY in Korean... and there was NO YAG community to speak of when I first came back... but during this past year, I found a faithful community that I had longed for during my 4 years away in Boston... I bonded with the youth group kids, I jammed out with our "praise" band, I even started translating the Korean sermons into English outlines for the 1 or 2 non-korean members of the church. Bottom-line, I've been useful, and have been USED... and never has that statement been more gratifying to say than now. I love my Dad's church and no matter what happens to Logos in the future, I'll forever remember this past year as one that God showed me ths true significance of fellowship.

*Jean Shelton Acting lab: Oh man, those 2 hour long bart rides... the dreaded scene partner... but a diverse range of actors and actresses who witnessed some of my lowest and most versatile moments on the stage... I think back on the kids, who's faces I'll always remember, and names I have since forgotten... and I remember too why I love acting in the first place: it brings people together... it relates us to one another; our stories and our willingness to tell them... our courage in being truthful and honest in front of strangers... I'll always remember the band of protection the guys formed around me from Sanjay, the scene partner from hell!! and the last minute scene, playing Louellen and reaching the zenith of living in the moment... Oh God... it was the perfect reinduction to acting... and an encouraging affirmation.

*24 hour fitness: it was my goal to lose 25 lbs. I got pretty close. 18. It WAS 20. but i relaxed this past month. I had a trainer for 2 months. I went to the gym 4-5 times a week for 4 months... and while I have WAYS to go for a decent body, I'm WAY ahead of where I was this time 1 year ago. I feel healthy, more confident, and sometimes, SEXY! It was hard and sometimes I marvel at the discipline I displayed even a month ago... but now I know I can always do it if I want it badly enough.

*PLAY PLAY PLAY: maybe it's being back here and not being tuckered out by a 9-5, m-f job... maybe it's because I'm not fucking depressed anymore... or maybe it's because I have better company out here... whatever it is... I went out like there was no tomorrow this past month. meaning, more alcohol, cigarettes, and hangovers than I'd care for... but meaning more fun, letting loose, and dancing w my girls. it's been fun going into the city, dt sj, and pally. we even hit up campbell once. and you know what's really impressive? I did it all without shopping for new tops. recyling clothes has never been more rewarding!

*El Camino: on the same note, INCREDIBLE how much time i've spent at K-town here in SJ. straight up ridiculous. not to say I regret any time I spent with my Paris Baguette crew and Jumak peeps... all those late nights at JuJubees and Jumak... PB parking lot... all the "love triangles" and drama... all the soju shots and OB beer and pretzels and bbang!!! It was completely time/mind consuming and I'm slightly relieved to be out of the whole whirl of it now~ but while it lasted, it was some good asss time~~~ and I'll always love the chaos that it was~!

*MAN jose: it's not even funny. men are desparate around here. ok ok, i guess i'm a little HOT too ;)... but it's been busy... from that guy i saw for 9 months to that other guy i saw for 9 hours... i mean, there's been a lot of action up in herr.... but through each experience, I've learned a little bit more of that man I'm supposed to be with later... I've had fun, even through some of the more painful dates, and really, can I honestly say that having a cute boy buy me dinner hurt the pride??? mmmmmmmmmm.... ;). all in preparation for the dry desert that will be L.A.

*BOOK CLUB & friends: I've saved the best for last... because being back home reunited me with my BFFs... and allowed me to create some new ones! There is a word for being allowed to hang 24/7 with peopel you can just be yourself around and not be apologetic: BLESSING. I could say anythign without being judged and even the lamest of all jokes would merit laughter... i could bitch and moan about the latest horror of a date, and in the next minute, share my deepest fears and tears over a crazy car accident... from spontaneous dates in the pish posh areas of town, to set up slumber parties and house warmings...being sheeeeeeeep, demanding leadership from no one in particular... free movies due to family connections and falling asleep during them... peer pressuring to stay longer, push work for later... going to the beach during the chilliest of all weathers and laughing/talking too loudly at public areas... quoting endless lines from our favorite tv shows... reading books and lounging at Borders... drinking beer and more beer, wherever and whenever... this was and is OUR BOOK CLUB. We like to think we are the characters of How I Met Your Mother... we compete to see who can find the most inappropriate moment to say "THAT'SW HAT SHE SAID"... and more than anything else... we're extremely good looking people that love a good beer. I LOVE US. and more than that, I love that people don't GET how much we love us. because that makes US, exclusively US! and... while I'm so afraid that I'll never find US down in SOCal... I also know that a part of me doesnt' want to... I love you guys. truly i do, but i won't say goodbye because, well you know... it's NEVER goodbye with us!

and family: a work in progress... and to tell you the truth, family goes wherever you go, no matter how far apart you are... there's a lot that went down... grandma's with broken limbs and fathers and mothers in mid-life crises... financial troubles, potential maritial problems, and more than anything, communication malfunctions... but when Christ is hte glue to this family, a meltdown is impossible. SO, here's to faith and to all that it's needed for.

Going down to LA, I have one motto in mind: "Expect nothing. GO for EVERYTHING."

it's a green light and my engine's revving... (that's what she said!)

oh and from October 6th on? please call me as I am : ACTOR. much obliged. ;)