blog post part 2.

I know I already blogged today, but what the hell, I'm feeling introspective.

As I turned into the street that my Church is on this morning, I was overwhelmed by the intersection jam-packed with ambulances, cop cars, and a completely totaled car. Turns out, a monster truck had rammed into a compact car, sending the vehicle and the unsuspecting driver inside, flying -- up a small hill, into a tree.

As I made an inevitable slow turn around the wreck, I saw a young woman, strapped onto a board, being carried into an ambulance. Word of mouth told me that she was going to be ok... yet, I was completely shaken.

What a way to start a Sunday...getting rammed into a truck into your worst nightmare.

I can go the easy route and think, "geeze, that could have been me..." but instead, I want to approach a more revealing problem.

I am a very hardened person. I am. I don't know if it's because I am so self-centered, or because I am severely ignorant... but while I felt a sense of grave sympathy and anxiety for the people involved in the accident...I felt more tension and worry watching the Justine Henin 4th round match of the Australian Open.

That's only the beginning.

The whole country, world is rocking with the aftermath of the Haiti earthquake...while superstars, politicians, humanitarians, locals are all giving it their all in prayer or some sort of relief... I sit here, completely oblivious to any some sort of empathy or pain for the people who are suffering. The most I can get myself to feel or say... is "shit... that just sucks."

fml? wtf? etc?

When did I get to be such a brick of a person? Or actually... why is it that I can't STOP my tears from flowing down when I see some actor receiving an Life Time Achievement award on, when I can't bother to truly feel anything for the people who are DYING out there?

I mean, I DO think it's tragic... and I DO feel for all the suffering that is going on... but I am not jumping up and down in my seat, signing up to go to Haiti... and I am more prone to not donating any of my "tips" lest that I won't be able to make rent next month...

All this, just reminds me of the Pharaoh, with his "NO, I WILL NOT LET YOUR PEOPLE GO" business... I just... well, something is obviously amiss inside of me, right? SOMETHING is up... I am not usually this cold-hearted, or apathetic... or am I?

can someone tell me? please?