3.12.10

the day I received my first spiritual gift.

I always thought that speaking in tongue was the FREAKIEST thing. If you grew up hearing all the samohnim's wailing Jesus Christ's name and then bursting into foreign syllables at 6 am in the morning... you'd feel the same way.

It wasn't until a couple of months ago that I started getting sort of curious. I had gotten a bit intrigued at the thought before when I was studying abroad in Australia but I never seriously considered it until now.

By the time of the access retreat a couple weeks ago, I knew I wanted to elevate myself spiritually towards the next level. I just felt so tired of going up and down in this stagnant elementary school level of faith. 2010 was going to be a year of SPIRITUAL purpose, and in order to attain any some sort of development, I needed to know that I was growing in my faith. So, I set my eyes on the holy spirit; the one thing that had really scared me. The thought of God touching me was very intimidating... but somehow, through EG, through my cell group, through a lot of different factors... I was no longer afraid to connect with God in a more personal, all-consuming way. In fact, I was hungry for it. Hungry for more. So, I asked for Pastor Young to pray for me. He did.

and I prayed. hard. yet, I didn't receive.

I wasn't too disappointed. I figured God thought that I wasn't ready... and that it was all a process anyway.

Fast forward to cell this past Wednesday. It was, again, the first time I witnessed spiritual healing in such a direct, immediate manner. Again, I was super impressed by the willingness of God to answer our prayers... and also by the relentless desire receive God's affirmation by my fellow sisters. I was also very aware that I was one of them.

On Friday, pastor Keith asked us to pray for the holy spirit to come and overfill us. How appropriate. How perfect. And then he shed light on the fundamentals for asking for spiritual gifts: REPENT your sins first. Then unabashedly ASK.

Hm, repent? Repent what? Hadn't I been praying consistantly for my sinful nature? Hadn't I already been asking for the spirit?

And then Pastor Keith pointed out that spiritual insecurity... that is, being afraid that I wasn't yet "ready" to receive... was the wrong prayer. BINGO. All this time, I'd been praying, "God, if you think I'm ready, please give me the spiritual gift."

WRONG. I should have been praying, "God, I'M READY. GIVE ME THE GIFT! PLEASE!!!"

So I did. and within 10 minutes, I received the gift of tongue. One moment, I was praying in English. The next, I felt my throat close up. Then, a stream of foreign consonants and syllables were coming out of my mouth. All the while I was very coherent. I knew that it was the holy spirit the moment it came. and while I was praying in a language I could not understand, I could recognize the people that I was praying for as the images of their faces flashed in my mind. Selah! Selah!

I joyfully prayed in this manner for as long as I could...sometimes as tears of joy rolled off my cheeks...sometimes, my hands fisted tight, banging ajoomah style against my knees. and near the end... the world turned silent...and I only heard an AUTHORITATIVE COMMAND of the LORD: "Now go, and do my work!" I felt his hands gently push me forward and I felt READY for anything.

3/12/2010. The day I graduated spiritual elementary school.

I'm so excited. I'm so ready. for more.


SELAH!