Post-EG...

reflections probably won't hit me until a long time after... but I want to jot some notes down lest how I feel about it right now dulls any degree.

13 weeks. granted I missed out on 3 sessions... and wasn't diligent about the workbook... but I never imagined that I'd actually finish this course. People had always commented on how awesome this bible study was... but awesome would be an understatement.

My life has definitely changed. It has. Looking back, I was on due course for some sort of divine intervention... but EG was the absolute catalyst for my encounter with the Holy Spirit. The first half of the course was all about meeting God in dynamic ways. Hearing from him during my walks at Griffith Park... praying in tongue for an hour at a time... sharing my testimony with my small group and parents... completely feeling in sync with God, the intimacy, the joy, the excitement, the yearning, the rush, the anticipation... the glory of it all. Realizing how personal God was to me... wondering at the marvel of his unique discourse with me.

I fell madly in LOVE with God.

The second half of EG was then... all about what next? Now that the honeymoon phase was over, God was asking me to adjust my life to him... and I found out, quickly, how hard that was to be. He revealed to me, immediately, what I needed to let go... what problems I had, the addictions that were hindering me from fully accepting his Grace. How unproductive I became under the influence of such issues... He showed me how susceptible I was to spiritual warfare....how insecure I was, how deeply I hurt from the littlest of pains. The Lord revealed to me that I need more than what I had before. More accountability. More discipline. More healing. More love. and I needed to give more as well... more initiative. more honesty, more confession, more repentance. More love.

Giving my testimony was one of hte hardest things I needed to do. Not only because the testimony and the act of giving it seemed so little and shallow... but because it brought to light the fact that I felt like a hypocrite in front of my congregation... but it also made me realize, that I seek approval foremost and directly from the greatest person, greatest love of my life... God. I see now that the next step in my evolution to becoming Christ-like, is to get to the bottom of this self-doubt, self-effacing inner-demon set upon refusing the Cross and it's significance. The one that makes me question how God still loves me despite and beyond my sinful nature...

EG has changed my life. Not only by adding onto it, but by reflecting light onto the things that need to be transformed and refined. Wow, come to think of it, God HAS initiated. He is just waiting for me to respond accordingly.

Revival week starts today. Come Holy spirit. Come fill this willing vessel and use it for God's glory! Selah!