It is... 2008. and I'm starting off by switching over to blogspot thanks to my macs inability to access my old wordpress account. that WHOLE LOT OF INTERESTING STUFF BEING SAID... I am hopeful that the stuff being written on here will reflect some drastic changes...as well as IMPROVEMENTS on the thoughts that are milling about my mind as well as reveal some momentous times that are in store for me.
I've stated this before, many times, that this past year's holiday season seemed to pass by in a bit of a fog. I didn't really feel the significance of Christ's birth nor it's personal meaning. My spiritual life has been utterly puzzling to figure out to say the least... so maybe that's it, but it's beyond me why this year, I just couldn't even get myself to feel excited about listening to Christmas music!
Although... maybe, despite the fact that spiritually, I wasn't as zealous and secularly, I wasn't in tune with all the gazillion radio stations out there... I was and am utterly convinced of God's grace in the presence of my family and my friends this 2007 holiday season.
Maybe not in terms of immediate family. that's been tough on me all my life and being older and more aware of how bad our family is at communicating with one another has somewhat made things worse. BUT December was FILLED with outings with all my cousins that are somehow all living in the East bay! How crazy is that? All the Lims and Hans together under one roof more than ONCE in a given month and time? I don't know, maybe that's normal for some, but I felt incredibly blessed. The seven of us, some more ghetto than others, watching the shittiest movie ever together. Singing kareoke. Going boarding. Maybe it has to do with age? Maybe because our parents don't seem to make any initiative to get together anymore but we do? It just seems so extraordinary that we be so close and tightly knitted and WILLING to enjoy each other's company.
My friends... allen, izzy, kec yg family members (OG style!) ... they prove to me over and over again that a true community filled with acceptance and patience and respect... it does exist! and it doesn't die over time or distance. There is still some resentment and bitterness over lame issues of the past and no friendship is perfect but God, I am so thankful for these people who have remained my constant and my lifeline--to depend on, to hang on, to love on, to inspire on... I am even more grateful this year than any other, having moved back from Boston... I am affirmed by the strength of our bonds and encouraged by the faith that we all have in the eternal length of our relationships. I love you guys very very very very much. I am so happy and JOYFUL that we are US and that US is God-given.
and how about the extra special extended family that God has allowed me at... (surprise!) Logos Church?! That is the most shocking of all. I thought coming home to being a PK at my Dad's startup church would be the most pathetic PK comeback ever. I'd been spoiled I thought at Cornerstone...how could I possibly bring anything to a creaky table that was on the verge of toppling over due to the lack of support? Lo and behold God's sense of humor. I am part of the friday worship team, the adult choir, and in my own way, have added whatever full steam I had into the YG and our very very very tiny, yet TIGHT YAGs. That plus the fact that I politely FORCED (hahaha) allen and David into doing ht ebody worship... it's just been... the extra cherry on top of what had already been a great "family" filled holiday season. Being able to enjoy and truly LOVE hanging out wiht my church members... it hasn't happened since my Dad left KEC... and what pleasant bonus to be able to enjoy such contenment when it was so unexpected?! Kayoung and Yongwoo oppah, it'll just be us when David leaves... but I have full faith in God's plans for our fellowship and I only pray for more initiave on our parts to bring more believers and non-believers into our circle! March on Logos church! May God's blessings truly pour over into the heart and spirit of this church and may it start first with the shattering of all previous expectations and pride! and on a more personal note... I pray for the pastor and his family... that the right congregation begins there.
this is a really long post that basically says that while it was A HARD transition back home and that it'll never be easy living at home... I think at this point, i AM fully transitioned in... and now... now that it's 2008... I have to officially begin my journey and do it in the most CONVICTED manner possible. Knowing that I have my family, extended and immediate, backing me up, should only make me more confident! My new year's resolution is simple : Stay STRONG. Screw insecurities, lame past memories, look STRAIGHT AHEAD and FUCK FEAR!
and doing that, means having God as the head of all my family and friends.
Not just empty words. let's do it.
2008. Happy new year!
1 comment:
i am so glad to have met you at logos church. when my mom first asked me to go with her on a sunday, i was hesitant. cuz i thought it would be totally korean-y and i'd feel soo uncomfortable. but then there was you. despite of all the koreanness, despite of my lack of korean fluency, you were there and you were soo incredibly welcoming and nice. i'm so glad to hear that you are enjoying logos church as well and continue (as you are doing) to build friendships/relationships within and outside of church. you really are great at it~ :)
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