기분 꾸린날.

you know, it's one of those days where you just wake up with a huge effin chip on your shoulder. to be fair, this whole denmark diet is not exactly a positive boost in your sugar levels, but i have no excuse for the way I lost it today at my mother. (My poor tissue box.... ...?....)

its like a final grand show of what happens after a shitty week, maybe weeks worth of little catastrophes of anxiety building up. but really, i almost shocked myself... i've never lost my temper that way... ever. the adrenaline rush cannot be denied... but the empty realization that it's so UNJUSTIFIED mixed with the steely self-righteous justification, aka denial. ... just like my acting.

WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (FUCK WHINERS! NOTHING MORE OF A TURN-OFF... SO FUCK....ME...?....)

i turn inward and only inwards during times like these. my thoughts, my actions...they are frustrating, embarrassing, and immature. and they're unimitably me. it seems the more i confide, the more misinterpreted my sentiments get. there's nothing else i appreciate less than a pretentious, overly-simple judgement on whatever that I'm going through. plus lets face it, frustration, shame and immaturity...those aren't stuff to brag about to the rest of the world. (yet the blog... ?...)

i turn to kpop and, paradoxically, phillip yancey's book for comfort.

what i need is an earth-shaking revelation from none other than... who other? (what exactly does that One mean to me these days anyway....? ...)