family (it's a long blog tonight)

2008 is halfway over. can you effin believe that?

i've been home for 10 months. and in those 10 months it's only TRULY been about one thing:

family.


it's been incredibly hard and taxing in some respects; i've never felt more "depended on" ...never experienced so much second hand middle life crisis... and certainly never been exposed to as much uncertainty in the future of where this family is headed than now.

however, it's been extremely rewarding. i've never felt more useful, helpful, and central... it's a responsibility that i'm slowly starting to transform from burdensome obligation into dutiful activism. of course, it isn't as easy as all that and i revert back constantly... but i'm learning how to step up when it counts and accept that that's what is and should be expected of me at this point in my life.


there may be big changes in store for the Lim family. more on that as soon as there are updates.


i don't just mean my immediate family though. returning back to cali has meant returning back to several different interpretations and adaptations of the familial context from my life before Boston.

church. Logos church was one that my parents started while I was back in Boston. I never thought EVER that I would feel as attached and committed to this church as I have become. I love this church. I love all it's inadequacies and failures... i love all it's striving to become and it's constant fight and struggle to find reason for it's existence... there's strength in this church which numbers can't define. it reminds me of the church environment that I grew up in... the one that fed my inner strength and self-confidence and one that allowed me to feel spoiled in an environment such as that I had in Boston.
I love the youth group... i love playing in the praise band on Friday nights... i love our 3 - 5 person semi-fob Young Adult group, and i even love the warehouse-like building that we're renting which is currently causing us bankruptcy.

I fled my role and life of service as a PK to find myself surrounded by the luxury of just being served. little did I know that I would find such solace in rediscovering the passion for serving and a deeper meaning of fellowship than any that I would experience at this tiny little church... there HAS to be a reason why God planted this church. THERE HAS TO BE. and I have so much faith that God will pull Logos through any adversities (some much more nearer than others) to come.

friends. Old friends (Bffs!), new friends... i didn't think i'd be partying up more here than i did in boston... but i also didn't expect some of my closest friend to be living within a 20 minute radius. of course let's not forget the range of new friendships that I've claimed as my own and the fact that they all happen to be some FUN ASS PEOPLE.

The risk of going far away for school is that the distance and time changes people. an obvious point, but one that truly challenges even the oldest of all friendships. I've been incredibly lucky. My connections to some of these kids are rooted far deeper than what i gave them credit for. friends i can be honest with. friends i can have fun with. friends i can be a bitch with. friends i can call out on and vice versa. friends i can be MYSELF with.

last night i had a reunion with my KEC girls and it only reinforced that friends can be FAMILY. my girls, my boys.... all mine. and i'm going to selfishly love them as much as i can for as long as i can.


vocation. my work family. i will NEVER EVER forget my Acting Tech 2/3 class who stood up for me when i actually became (forgive me) a damsel in distress. the sharing of a passion can be something so soulful and so intimate... that you can't help but be connected on almost a supernatural level. as dramatic as all that? yes. they don't call us drama queens for nothing. ( i hate that term).

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this week was crazy. i needed TIME TO DETOX. and instead of keeping my time to myself... i drove miles of gas money to really intoxicate myself with my different families. Friday night, running away from security on suburban streets with my girls... saturday, being tackled by little ones of Logos Church celebrating their second day of VBS in 100 degree weather at Great America... to the reuniting of ALL the cousins of the LIMs and HANs tomorrow... my heart's overflowing with thankfulness. it's better than all the fabulous 5 star dinners in the world. it's better than all the roller coasters in the world. and it really is so much better, even, than the thought of acting with meryl streep. and i truly sincerely mean that.


the next week is going to challenge what i've just admitted... so here's to remaining convicted... COMMITTED... to this moment, right now, which I know to be so sweet and so true.