you know it's funny... i always thought I had so much to give...so many interesting stories to tell... I was talented goddamnit. I really was.
and then I get to los angeles and it's like there is talent...EVERYWHERE. On tv, on youtube, on every street corner of the city. and I'm sitting here...thinking, shit, what do i have actually going for me, that'll make me press on beyond all the other waitresses here.
and i could only think of one thing.
and it's sad, because nowadays, to rely on anything beyond yourself and what you can do... it's considered to be pussying out or something. a fucking cop-out. to believe in a God automatically puts you in the same catergory as a bigot, or racist... or your everyday narrow minded son of a bitch.
but the thing is, i have absolutely no resources... no connections... no nothing... freakin, my parents told me that I was too ugly for the movies and that I'd never make it. to have your own family believe that you're throwing your life away...
you see...if i don't believe in something beyond what I can physically do...beyond the people around me... beyond the millions of other wannabe actors... i've got nothing. I've got no chance to actually become...to actually DO the one thing that makes me feel complete...the ONE thing that makes me feel like I'm actually breathing.
I AM talented. I'm talented at believing that beyond what I can see or hear or feel, even... and THAT'S what pushes me on. Faith.
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