it's late...

and I should be in bed getting my beauty sleep (literally) for my headshots tomorrow...

but I needed to write a quick post of THANKS to some of the most generous friends I have.

Situation H(eadshots) has been on my heart for a month now. I somehow had the gall to set up an appointment with the studio, CONFIDENT that God was going to provide. I had a feeling, a really good one, that this was going to be that ONE testimony of provision. You know the one that goes like "Yeah, so I was in the hole $$$, but a mystery check came in with the EXACT amount I needed! SELAH!"

so weeks passed and nothing happened and I was still confident. In fact, I was EVEN SURER, because during my prayers, I received MULTIPLE images and words of just total confirmation!

Needless to say, coming into the last week before H-day, I anticipated deliciously, my future testimony. How would the check come in? Would it come in, at the LAST minute? Or would it be more of a trickle effect?

As the weekend passed and today approached, my excitement turned into ill-tasting anxiety. and then, panic. which today, turned into bitter disappointment.

"OK God. Wow. Way to lead me on."

Utter resentment. I think I was pretty pissed at God for the first time in awhile. How could he be so vacant after having enriched my prayer life so vividly?

I turned to my emergency funds: Bank of Mama Lim. Mama Lim declined my application for a loan. Surprisingly, I believed her this time when she said she couldn't help.

So I shot an email to the next people in line: My best friends from high school. It was 10:38 PM, less than 12 hours to go before my shoot.

I felt ashamed, I felt like a panhandler. I felt like a total loser. A 26 year old woman accepting hand-me-outs. I knew that my friends would help out, but I couldn't help but think that there would be an inkling of "Sigh*, Jan needs money again."

Instantly, I received a text from my best friend. "I just transferred over the $!"
Then, as I was on the phone with her, talking things out, a voicemail from my other friend. "I would ABSOLUTELY want to help out...question: how much do you REALLY need?"

When I called him back saying there was no need for him to give me more than what I'd requested originally, he responded, "Jan, you're a sister to me. I care about you. I've been blessed with this job to help those around me. Ultimately, it's God's money. Not mine."

I was rendered tearful and speechless.

Guess what. I initially asked for $600 from God. Guess how much I received by 12 am tuesday morning? $650.

bingo.

God didn't answer my prayers in the way of a mystery check with the exact amount. He did it a BETTER way, through friends that I love and who love me, and with MORE than the amount I asked for.

God is gracious. He hears. He answers.

Selah!