contemplative.

the summer is winding down... and 어느세... the one year anniversary of my being home is approaching. it's extremely hard to believe that i have been home for an entire year. in a way, it's been so fast. and in others, i can't believe that I actually lived in Boston, for that person is so far away from who I am today.

one year. i've often reflected in my blog that I am much happier now. that I've regained my identity that I felt I had suppressed in the community that I was a part of in Boston. I say that, of course, out of objectivity and without bitterness and contempt.

This year was a year of rebooting. to cleanse out whatever negative, depressed image I had of myself and to start afresh with a clean new slate. It was a year to discover whether or not I was ambitious enough to go into this acting thing... a test to whether or not I could jumpstart out of the alluring comforts of being home. It was a period of experiment. To open myself up to new situations, meeting new friends, reconnecting with old ones, and enjoying myself with them to a social stratosphere I'd never really been before. I finally found myself in a (somewhat) committed relationship (again, somewhat... no one changes overnight!), which I could further glean the traits and the characteristics of my future man... and somehow, I also found myself pulled into the semi-lame, semi-ritualistic, semi-cliched, semi-fun, semi-typical, semi-glorious world of dating. and of course, it was a period of tough love in the Family. a lot of stuff has gone down this year...living at home for the first time in 4 years, I should have expected nothing less. But still. I've witnessed moments within our small, intimate 3-some that I never imagined I'd witness. There's still so much hanging in the air for our family right now... I don't know exactly how I'll contribute or add to the situation... but all in all, the significance of "family" has never glared as obviously nor brilliantly, as it has this past year.

progress. a conclusive look shows that January Lim August 08 trumps the January Lim of August 07.

however, for the past month and a half or so, I feel like I've reverted a couple steps back into the realm of LAMENESS! (vs AWESOMENESS) starting from my insecurity of pushing back my move-down-to-la date one more month, to the girly insecurities of trying to accept what the New York Bestseller title deems as, "HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!!!"... to the fact that I haven't really invested some quality time w/ the fams ... to my financial situation looking awfully bleak... to my gym regiment of 5x a week slowly peetering out to MAYBE 2-3x on a GOOD WEEK... I don't know... i'd somehow lost touch and fallen back in my entire DETOXING program, and all of a sudden too~

I look through my old posts and pictures... I ask myself, where is that girl who coreographed that xmas body worship for Logos? Where is that girl who was uninhibited enough to lipsync "sisteract" and then upload it on youtube? Where is that girl who was committed enough to take 2 hours of public transportation, LATE at night, to take her acting class? Where is that girl who used to dance the night away instead of spending time drinking beer at the same korean bar every night? Where is that girl who spent her time wiht her family, instead of spending money with people she barely new? Donde esta enera lim? DONDE ESTA?!

and then, I look at old pictures and videos of boston.... and I wonder the same thing... the January who studied abroad in Australia... the January who was a part of the choir at church... the January who did her QTs with God every night ... the January who never imagined that for one entire year, she would focus only on her immediate needs and wants.

that January from Boston... me, a year ago... and now, today... all these different parts of me... littered and scattered everywhere... and I'm losing track of all the pieces. and I'm tired of remembering suddenly, "oh yeah! there's aspects of me that I've neglected for so long...."

So, it's time to make me whole again. To re-focus and to re-start. I'm happy with the person I've become in the past year. and yet, another upgrade is needed. The next month and a half of the spoiled, comfortable, luxury of my currently established group of friends and family, I'm going to do just that. Bring it back to where it all began... It's already begun through the crazy antics of the LEGENDARY AWESOME BOOK CLUB. and by the time I get down to LA???

ohhhh shieetttttt.... I'm going to be bigger and more complete than anything I could ever encounter. n~ice.