home...

i had shit to do at home.

so i came HOME.

my room is bare except for a mattress on the ground and the few pieces of furniture filled with discarded clothes that my mom thinks I'll wear again someday.

and yet, there's no feeling like coming returning to familiar territory. My shoulders seem to straighten out, I strut instead of walk, and lo and behold, I'm allowed to let my parents do my laundry for me.

Reasons for my spontaneous trip back up North:

1. My mom wanted to come help her figure out IRS issues and deal with all the W-2 forms coming in the mail for me.
2. I was sick and tired of spending my weekdays cooped up in my room, eating egg-beater omelettes and home-made Jan-eeh-BOO-deh-jjigeh (pahaha clever~) all day... applying to jobs on craig's list.
3. My parents wanted me to come home so they could try to convince me to move back and give up acting.

my parents kindly reminded me the minute I came home, how sometimes, you could REALLY WANT something... but it wasn't meant to be. they ALSO kindly reminded me that I had never dreamed of becoming an actor as a child, and that I had always dreamed of screen-writing, or directing, or producing. And THEN, they baited me that if I moved back home, they would buy me a ticket to Korea where I could maybe work in a broadcasting studio.

sigh*, love the parental encouragement.

which was the reason why I have been hesitating about visiting in the first place.

The thing is, even after my revelation and climactic "release" a couple weekends ago... I'm still very much on edge...and nothing has changed situationally... well, except for the fact that I'm more over the unfortunate circumstances of my recent life (no dramatic delivery intended). I am still kind of unhappy...and still hanging in there, almost... sorta by a thread. I'm still lonely and still seeking. Of course, I'm more connected with God...and I have faith... but I'm also waiting on him more, and expecting more of Him, which makes it... in a way... kind of harder. PLUS, I was sick ALL DAY on Monday, and I had to go out, looking like a complete SCRUB, to get myself medicine. sniff*.

bottom-line... I wanted to just ... be at home. with 3 crazy white dogs. who incidentally, have gotten EVEN louder.

however, being back, only reinforces why I have to go back. and why actually, I love living in L.A. from the dongchimeeh gooksooh to the pastor at my new church... I already kinda miss it all.

I just need a breath of FRESH NorCal air to clear myself up of any internal pollution. geeze, my skin feels better already just being here!

Lord, CLARITY!!!