oh man

my sleeping pattern is so messed up these days... too many long naps...and too many late nights.

Today was decent... I actually got some productive studying done for my life agent exam and made good tips at my dinner shift...good tips for a tuesday night anyway.


The exam is this Friday and while I still feel like I'm BSing this whole process... I feel a bit more confident... I only hope that the exam contains the EXACT questions that I've been studying hahaha. fat chance? Well we'll see.

There is nothing like the assurance of having people pray for you. Really, I think it gives me the greatest boost to know that when I ask someone to pray for me...they ACTUALLY will... I know that is usually not the case. Most just say they will, and you know that they are just giving you empty promises. I've been in that situation myself. To know, though, that there are even 2 or 3 people who will genuinely put in their time for you... that's enough.

My emotions have been on some kind of roller coaster lately. I almost feel like I need to blog to just encourage myself. It seems like the past couple of posts have veered from being extremely grateful/joyful, to direly discouraged and lonely. I am pretty certain that I'm not bipolar or anything... but I will admit that I need to frequently remind myself that everything going on CANNOT and WILL NOT ever be under my control.

That may sound like an excuse to some...excuses for my stupid choices... excuses for the consequences of my own actions... but even through my dumb decisions, I need to continuously strive to forgive myself and look towards the good in it all. Those who are closest to me will know, but I am pretty damn hard on myself.

Anyway, to cut the random ramblings short... I'm still stressed and anxious... but today was better than yesterday. yesterday was better than the day before. as long as I am guarenteed better days than the ones that make me want to double over in agony, I can get through them.

Did that make any sense?

Back to my crossword puzzle! :)