I survived~

the weekend!

I was thinking that maybe I'd feel overwhelmed ~ a little too much too soon. But it was awesome.

I think my defenses ARE up a tad bit. I tend to withdraw or act aloof when I feel a bit raw or vulnerable.

But, the mission training meeting, today's sermon, the very fun treehouse dvd shoot, and 2 pleasantly fun and chill parties~ well... let's just say, I feel like I'm up and ready to take on life again.

More than anything, I feel grateful (again). I am super excited about Beijing. I feel so lucky to have been involved in the Treehouse shoot. I cannot believe that I will be leading youth group praise. I just feel... purposeful (again).

Interestingly enough, when receiving prayer today, someone saw//heard the words: heart attack. That somehow, my heart was arrested. I thought that was SO SO SO SO interesting. I think it's very true. My heart was definitely STOPPED. I couldn't breathe anymore, I couldn't do ANYTHING. It was definitely a complete and utter shutdown that I experienced. That being said, I feel so completely fine about it. Because I am assured that God is the blood pumping through me and that means I'm FINE. There is no DEATH, except in the healthiest way possible --> death to myself, resurrection in Christ.

I had another friend see s picture of me climbing up a rock wall, stopped in the middle of my climb, tired and just gripping on for dear life. In this image, I am looking for the next specific step (the next gig, the next paycheck, the next bf) ~ but my friend assured me, that even if I couldn't see the EXACT step to take, I would get up there, even in the most unexpected ways. Even if I DID fall, the Lord is big enough to catch me and hold me up.

All things I know, but the perfect reassurances of God's love. I didn't screw up or fall back in my spiritual life by going through this little breakdown. I merely was human.

NOW, I am officially SO ready to see God's hand carry me up to the top.