The first ever SouthLAnd retreat was simply, a blessing. I went in with no expectations, honestly more out of lack of prayer and intentionality, but in the God, like he usually does, brought me back full circle to where I belong -- in his presence.
The deets: at big bear mountain, with Pastor Barry from Symphony church. March 1 - 3, 2013.
In a way, I am still processing it all. But I feel like I am on a verge of yet another connect the dots moment.
*This was the first retreat that I led a small group. What an incredible group of members. Everyone with a veteran streak, some currently in a good place, others not so much. Regardless, I was so grateful for the smooth discussion times, then easy chemistry between everyone, but especially that I was able to pray and bless them. The thing is, I have never been one t feel comfortable leading. I have what some may call a VP tendency-- the inclination to serve second in command. Especially in terms of ministry, I have always felt too hypocritical or not pious enough to lead anyone. That being said, I was never bladder to be able to serve in such a capacity. No insecurity hindered me... I didn't feel like I had to try too hard and the payers came GODwillingly. I fell in love with my small group - and that coming from someone accustomed to receiving grace more than giving it, meant that I was indeed changed by the Spirit of God. How awesome that he would use me to bless and lead others. How awesome that he entrusts me such a role, especially when I didn't even ask for it. How different from the days in college where i felt resentful that I had not been chosen to lead outright. how different from the baby steps i took as i first started to take steps to be a part of his community at Southland in 2008, when praying for others was a horrific idea. how different from the aching hunger to receive more and more during my "passion" year of 2010, when i was in love with God and it was solely about me and Him. Yes, Lord, you have indeed blessed me for the purpose of blessing others.
*pastor Barry -- the more I get to meet the different church leaders of AMI, the more secure I feel. How could it be that every single pastor, as quirky and somewhat terrible at small talk a couple may be, is so stankin anointed? Pastor Barry was no exception. As he spoke in his steady, tenor pitched tone, he mowed down whatever hedges that had started to grow around my heart and re-engaged my heart with the desire for the filling of the Spirit. Yes, I know that pastors are extremely human.... But again, I am convicted that The Lord will bring the perfect fit to LA church.
*the beatitudes, the call to bless others, the filling of the spirit, the chance to live like Jesus in my community. I recall the first time I was actually moved powerfully by the beatitudes. When my current roomie and I were unemployed and facing financial instability, as well as emotional fragility, these verses spoke so true to me. Blessed are the poor and those who are broken in spirit. Those verses encouraged us in that God would surely protect and lead us out of those tough times. Now the call to bless others now that I was actually out of the shadows. Now the call to be compassionate to those who were in need. Not just financially , but emotionally. To really reach put to those who are broken hearted, or difficult to deal with. To forgive those who hurt me and to make that decision to choose not to engage in mutual hostility. In a way, I feel like God has already been working on some of these things. How much more applicable for me to hear at this 6 month junction after having had our LA inaugural service? And when i am employed under some crazy not so normal people? It was the boost that I needed to hear to remind to LAVISH GODs love unto the people. That was what I originally wanted to do in the first place. Here is my chance, here is my chance!
*boston. For so many years now, I've held my college years in contention. I love love love the city. I love love love the people I met there. But in my life, those four years were the ickiest, growing pains sort of years. The fact that symphony church is located on BU campus. The fact that its practically at the hot spot where I used to live... I don't know, maybe it's time to start really exploring those years and examine what happened deep inside of me. And bottom line, those years led to the current one.
* I love southLAnd. I am more convicted than ever that I am exactly at the right place at the right time. The sisters and brothers around me are the ones that I met and started forging relationships with when I initially started attending Southland Anaheim and to see all of us, pulling our weight, growing and being challenged to change is worth more than anything. Be blessed to bless others. We are living it out. What a privilege.
So, here I am getting ready for work. I am nervous and scared, as I usually get on Mondays -- but I pray,, "GOD, allow me to step up to this plate, to this given opportunity, and with the fullness of the Spirit, let me swing with all my heart and score big for you!"
Fighting everyone!
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