Rainy day

cue friends,

cue candle. 

it's the first rainy day in awhile that I've spent in my pj's, just breathing and eating, with nothing much else on my mind. 

I refuse to feel guilty considering that I haven't been this idle in a while. plus, the red, raw sore spot on my knee, and the red, raw sore spot on my lip is more than grounds for me to contemplate life with 6 imaginary friends AWAY from the public seeing eye. 

Actually the scrape on my knee is really painful and I've been nursing my fat lip before i go on for some extra work tomorrow. 

It's already mid october (well almost) and the smell of the brisk air (one of my favorite smells of the air - a mix of burning wood and cold wind) reminds me of the impending END of the year. Fall definitely reminds me of that curve from uphill to downhill. from here on out, the year just seems to SLIDE away from me. 

There's been a lot going on. family wise - relationship wise - career wise (ok, not much audition wise, just...improv wise) - spiritual wise. I have to admit, i feel a bit alone, not because I'm lonely, but because again, the new concoction of emotions that stem off of the potent combo of all the events in my life just hits me in waves that only I am aware of. take say the mixture of prepping for the upcoming encounter to having just performed my first improv show to... the crazy drama going on at home... questions of finance... 

yet, God has been reminding me constantly, over and over, "DO NOT WORRY. DO NOT BE ANXIOUS." 

do not worry. do not be anxious. "Believe and go in peace." 

Peace, balance, well-being.

Yahweh Shalom. 

I have to entrust everything to him. I realize now that the more he's entrusted to me, the more faith I require. It's a delicate balancing act of course, but more then that, it's an act of BELIEF in a God who is so aware, so all-encompassing, so able. 

Father, father - 

Deepen my faith!

Breakthrough disbelief!

Give me shalom throughout all!